Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
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