I wish I could punch you in the face.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
