I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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