Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
