i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
