I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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