i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
