if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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