Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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