just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
