after a month anything with tits is on the radar
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
