i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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