Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
