I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
The Olympian is in my bed
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize