put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
