Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
