Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
not ubering you a puppy
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
