So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
