these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
