I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
They should really pass out barf bags in church
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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