my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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