He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Couch. On fire.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
