Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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