Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
