It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
my liver is dry heaving
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
