I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
