I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Someone shattered a urinal.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
