I think im going to throw up on grandma
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
There r osticjed everywhere
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
We need a shit load of segways right now
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
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