If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
