Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
