It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
