Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
he shaved USA in his pubs
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
