Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
