weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
birth control should be required to get into college
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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