He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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