she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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