Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
