im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
