no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
