I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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