just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
