Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
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