tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
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