did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
