I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Green mimosas i think yes
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
