her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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