Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
