my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
