I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize
