I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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