So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
