Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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