If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
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That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
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I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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