who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
