dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
