return my video game
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
