halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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