either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
