I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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