genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
