some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
