I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
