don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
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