i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
You took a bar mat shot.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
